When you need to make a decision about care, it's often difficult to know where to go. If you have a question and don't see the answer, e-mail me and I'll try to help…

Laurel Grove Assisted Living FAQ

Dear Theresa,

I've always been a person who does things for herself. Lately, I'm finding it more and more difficult to maintain my home. My kids worry about me and have suggested that I consider assisted living but my biggest worry is losing my independence and my individuality. If I move to an assisted living residence, will I fit in or worse, will I become dependent?

~Jeannette

Dear Jeannette,

One of the biggest advantages assisted living offers is that you are as independent as you want to be. In fact, it is encouraged. Most assisted living arrangements help only when you want help and provide a list of services you may include in your lease. It may be housekeeping, cooking, or help with personal care. Our objective is to keep you independent. The advantage is that if you don't want to shop or do laundry, you don't have to. For many, living alone is a lonely challenge and an assisted living arrangement provides you with companionship when you want it and privacy when you want it. Many Laurel Grove residents tell us that they are busier and more active than they've been in years because it's just easier to function. And, if you drive, we'll make sure there's a parking space for you. So you see, you will fit in.

- Theresa

Dear Theresa,

I'm a bachelor living in a one-bedroom apartment and recently I've begun considering assisted living. As I think about the way I live and what I need, this place is really too big but I sure don't want to live in a bedroom. I'm also on a fixed income like a lot of people my age. How do I find something that is just right?

Thanks for the help, Fred

Dear Fred,

Have you thought about a studio apartment? Studio apartments have a small kitchen area with a microwave oven, sink, personal sized refrigerator and enough cabinets to keep your supplies and dishes. It's just right for preparing a snack or light meal. Here, three meals a day are part of our plan but we find our residents like to have the independence of their own kitchen as well. You would also have your own private bath. The living area is large enough to accommodate an easy chair, love seat,  television and occasional tables, and the bedroom is in an alcove. You'll find a studio apartment to  be not too big, not too small but just right! And, we have a few still available.

- Theresa

Dear Theresa,

This probably sounds like a silly question but here goes… My Dad will probably be looking at an assisted living facility soon. We have no problem with the ordinary things families deal with, the real estate and the household things; the real problem is that Dad is the fussiest eater you've ever met. Now that we're faced with providing good care for him we know it will be the food and cocktail that he's going to really balk at. So do you have an answer to what most people would find silly but is a major stumbling block for our family?

~Sue Ellen

Dear Sue Ellen,

That's totally understandable and believe me, you're not alone. Some people are fussy eaters and sometimes as people get older, their tastes change as well. For our residents, this should be a warm welcome home and that does include the food. Our kitchens turn out healthy, home-made meals and treats. Everyone doesn't like everything and we know that. There is always an alternative entree so your Dad should be satisfied. As for his favorite cocktail, Laurel Grove Assisted Living serves a cocktail hour in the Family Kitchen and in summer on the terrace every week. Why don't you bring Dad over for lunch some time and let him try it out for himself?

- Theresa

Dear Theresa,

Our family is faced with a situation we just don't know how to work through. Dad's doctor says it's time for us to move him to a skilled care facility. We are in total agreement about this as we see that caring for him is wearing Mom down. She says she promised to love him in sickness and in health and that she loves him more than ever. Although Mom is slowing down, she can still live on her own. She worries about Dad and is afraid that if he moves to a skilled care facility, she will miss him and not see him every day. Either way, we're concerned about Mom's future. What can we do?

~Sharon

Dear Sharon,

Romance doesn't end when people become older. In fact, research shows that a healthy romantic relationship extends lives. If you consider a facility that has both skilled care and assisted living you will meet everyone's needs and satisfy them in the best way possible. Your father would receive the care he needs in the skilled care facility and your mother could have her own apartment and come and go as she wishes. This arrangement gives both of them everything they need to remain a couple without the burden of care.

- Theresa

Dear Theresa,

I am considering closing my house and moving to assisted living. The one thing that really holds me back is that I'm a pretty independent guy and, as my kids would tell you, I like having my say about things. If I moved to assisted living, I'm afraid I might lose that independence. I told the kids I'd ask you.

~Ralph

Dear Ralph,

Communication is something we pride ourselves in at Laurel Grove. It is important to residents that they know what is going on and it's important to us that we understand what they like and don't like. For that reason, we have established a Resident's Council which meets monthly with department heads. We welcome in-put and find our residents' suggestions helpful. So, tell your kids you'll still be having your say.

- Theresa

Dear Theresa,

This is Judy. I'm the daughter-in-law, in some camps dubbed the "out-law", but beyond any family dynamics, I'm the person on whose shoulders falls the responsibility for my husband's parents' care. Although I tread carefully and am respectful of the others' feelings, they do not live in town nor do they assume any responsibility. I'm not complaining because I deeply care about Mom and Dad. I just need to know how to handle the authority issues that sometimes arise like who should talk to the nursing staff about preferences. Thanks for listening.

~Judy

Dear Judy,

First, you are not alone. Daughters-in-law are often the overseers of their in-law's care. And, you are right; this can be a mine-field. What we'd suggest is that, while your husband is the named person in his parents' care, he makes sure that your name is listed as having authority in day-to-day care. That is, by the way, different from power of attorney or other legal instruments, it simply allows you the authority to make sure your in-laws are comfortable at their care facility.

- Theresa

Dear Theresa,

Last winter was really hard on Mom. She was afraid to go out, didn't want to bother us and I think staying cooped up made her a little depressed. While we don't want her to feel as if we are pressuring her to sell the house because she really loves it, we're worried about four months of snow, ice, and seclusion. Your thoughts would help us to help her.

~Sue Ellen

Dear Sue Ellen,

Your Mom should maintain her independence as long as possible. It's good for her, it's good for you. Talk to her about a month-to-month lease for an apartment at an assisted living facility like Laurel Grove just for the winter. She will have her independence, not have to give up her home, and whatever help she needs will always be there. It would almost be like a resort vacation and she'll have good company. Then in April or May, can return home if that's what she'd like.

-Theresa